Gayety

Tag: Fletcher

  • V Spehar Stamps That ‘Lesbians Getting Boyfriends’ Isn’t a Crisis – It’s a Sign of Sexual Fluidity (Exclusive)

    V Spehar Stamps That ‘Lesbians Getting Boyfriends’ Isn’t a Crisis – It’s a Sign of Sexual Fluidity (Exclusive)

    In today’s LGBTQ+ culture, few topics stir up as much online discourse as when a famous lesbian reveals she’s dating a man. From pop stars like Fletcher and Billie Eilish to social media influencers and even everyday queer folks, the internet has opinions—and they’re not always kind. But as Pride Month prompts deeper conversations about identity, community, and change, one message is clear: sexuality is fluid, and labels aren’t prisons.

    During a recent interview with Gayety nonbinary journalist and content creator V Spehar weighed in on the phenomenon, humorously dubbed “lesbians getting boyfriends.” “As a lesbian who used to have a boyfriend—girl, I get it,” said Spehar. “Sexuality is fluid. The idea that you were a lesbian for a period of time, and now maybe you identify as queer or even straight—it doesn’t make your past invalid. It just means you’re trying something else.”

    This idea isn’t new to the LGBTQ+ community, but the conversation has gained renewed urgency as celebrity dating headlines clash with long-held identity expectations. What happens when someone who’s built their brand—or their personal life—around lesbianism starts dating a man? Are they “betraying” the community, or just exploring their truth?

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by Gayety (@gayety)

    A Cultural Flashpoint, Not a Crisis

    Queer Twitter—and TikTok—often lights up with concern or skepticism anytime a public figure “switches teams.” But as Spehar pointed out, these shifts don’t necessarily signal erasure or inauthenticity. “I felt that way when Ani DiFranco married a man,” Spehar confessed. “You’ll get over it.”

    The backlash often stems from a mix of protectiveness and fear of erasure. For many lesbians, especially those who’ve fought for visibility and respect in a heteronormative world, seeing someone “leave” for a man can feel like a loss. But queer leaders like Spehar argue that this reaction needs reframing—not condemnation. “We have trained very good-looking men to have bisexual wives. That’s what we wanted,” Spehar joked. “We want them to meet us where we’re at.”

    Dating as a Journey—Not a Definition

    For many, having a boyfriend isn’t a political statement—it’s part of their personal evolution. Spehar shared that for some people, particularly those who later come out as transgender or nonbinary, dating men might be a stepping stone to understanding themselves more fully. “Sometimes you get a boyfriend to learn how to be a boyfriend,” they said. “That’s all that it is.”

    This sentiment echoes a growing understanding that gender and sexual identities aren’t fixed points, but rather ongoing processes. For many, the term “lesbian” once fit perfectly—until it didn’t. That doesn’t invalidate past relationships or the joy those identities brought at the time.

    Pride, Every Day and at Home

    In the same interview, Spehar explained that their Pride celebration looks a little different—more cozy couch than parade float. “I’m like a stay-at-home gay,” they laughed. “Be with my wife and watch reruns of Greek and Hart of Dixie. But I wear the merch every day—new merch made by queer artists.”

    For Spehar, Pride isn’t confined to June or rainbow-filled streets. It’s about authenticity, comfort, and showing up every day in ways that feel right for you. And that message extends to how we treat one another, especially those navigating new labels or relationships.

    A Bigger Picture: Fluidity in Queer Identity

    The debate over lesbians dating men often stems from a discomfort with ambiguity. But in reality, queerness has always encompassed fluidity, experimentation, and personal change. Identity isn’t a static marker; it evolves with experience, love, and self-discovery. “Sexuality isn’t a one-way street,” Spehar noted. “People are going to explore different connections, and that doesn’t mean they were lying before.”

    Public figures often bear the brunt of these conversations. When someone like JoJo Siwa or Billie Eilish is seen with a male partner after identifying as queer, the response can be swift and judgmental. But for many queer people, especially Gen Z, identity is a spectrum, not a binary. “You don’t have to worry about JoJo or Fletcher or Billie Eilish,” Spehar said. “They’re just trying something else. And I support that.”

    “Gay Baiting” or Just Living?

    One of the loudest critiques lobbed at queer women dating men is the accusation of “gay baiting”—that someone used queerness for clout only to return to heterosexuality when convenient. But this accusation overlooks how nuanced sexuality truly is.

    Spehar pushed back on that framing. “Sexuality is fluid, and in many cases it doesn’t mean they were wrong about everything they experienced before,” they said. “It just means they’re trying something else.”

    Trying something else isn’t betrayal. It’s human.

    Empathy Over Judgment

    Ultimately, the lesson here is about grace. Pride is a time to celebrate liberation, but also to embrace the complexity of identity. That includes people who once identified as lesbians now exploring new relationships.

    Spehar offered a final piece of advice: let people live—and grow. “Sometimes the jeans don’t fit, and you want to try a new pair,” Lalwani joked. “That’s it.”

    And if you come back to your favorite pair? That’s fine too.

  • Fletcher Sets The Record Straight on Her Queerness After Admitting She’s Dating a Man

    Fletcher Sets The Record Straight on Her Queerness After Admitting She’s Dating a Man

    Earlier this month, queer pop icon Fletcher sparked passionate debate with the release of her newest single, “Boy.” The track, which details her emotional journey into a relationship with a man for the first time, arrives as the lead single from her upcoming album, Would You Still Love Me If You Really Knew Me?, set to drop July 18.

    “Boy” is more than just a sonic shift — it’s a public reckoning. Known for her candid, emotionally raw songs centered around her relationships with women, Fletcher has long held a beloved status in the sapphic corner of pop fandom. Her 2022 hit “Becky’s So Hot” famously chronicled a post-breakup obsession with her ex-girlfriend’s new flame, turning Fletcher into a TikTok-era queer chaos queen. Now, by stepping into a new era that includes heterosexual romance, she’s challenging the identity pedestal her fans once placed her on — and igniting some complicated conversations in the process.

    “I Kissed a Boy…”

    With lyrics like “I kissed a boy / And I know it’s not what you wanted to hear,” Fletcher seems acutely aware that “Boy” would provoke strong reactions. Released at the height of Pride Month, the song immediately split listeners. While some fans expressed support, others accused her of queerbaiting, erasing sapphic representation, or abandoning her queer identity altogether. For many longtime followers, Fletcher’s bold announcement didn’t feel like a coming out — it felt like a betrayal.

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by FLETCHER (@findingxfletcher)

    On platforms like Instagram and X, comments ranged from simple disappointment to outright biphobia. Critics dismissed her sapphic past as a “phase,” while others sarcastically questioned her timing, wondering if she was co-opting Pride Month to announce a “trad wife” rebrand. The aesthetics of her new era — airy visuals, pastel dresses, countryside settings — only added fuel to the fire, prompting some to accuse her of aligning with conservative or heteronormative ideals.

    But as with any public discourse about queer identity, the backlash says as much about the community as it does about Fletcher.

    From Chaos Queen to Calm

    To understand this moment, it helps to trace Fletcher’s journey. The New Jersey native, now 31, has built her career on vulnerability. Her previous albums, particularly In Search of the Antidote, chronicled heartbreak, self-destruction, and healing in the aftermath of queer love and loss. Fans connected with her rawness, and the internet culture around her was nothing short of fervent — a blend of TikTok memes, sapphic drama, and speculation over her lyrics.

    @fletcher

    🤍

    ♬ original sound – FLETCHER

    But speaking recently with Them, Fletcher opened up about how she’s changed. “I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago, and I am happy about that,” she said. The singer described a year of reflection, spent mostly offline in Northern California, walking in nature, and finding solace in community and quiet. Diagnosed with Lyme disease, Fletcher said her health journey led her to question everything — including her place in the music industry and how she was perceived by fans.

    Those questions ultimately led her to her new album, which she describes as a “permission slip for evolution.” The title itself — Would You Still Love Me If You Really Knew Me? — is a reflection of both her internal dialogue and her fear of rejection.

    “It started with wondering if the world would still love me if I let people into my current reality,” she said. “But by the end, it became: Would I still love me?”

    A Love Story to Herself

    Despite the controversy, Fletcher remains firm in her identity. “I’ve always identified as queer. I still am,” she emphasized. “All of my romantic relationships over the last 10 years have been with women… this is the first time I’ve had feelings for a man, and that’s a part of my story, too.”

    She also addressed the criticism that her new relationship “healed” her from past relationships with women — a claim that understandably triggered some fans. “That’s not what I meant,” she said. “I wanted to explore where I am now. I love every version of myself — including the chaotic, heartbroken girl from the ‘Becky’ era — but I’m not there anymore.”

    That sentiment echoes throughout Boy, which isn’t just about new love, but about the fear of being misunderstood. “It’s a love story to myself,” Fletcher explained. “It’s about giving myself the freedom to be in whatever chapter of life I’m in, even if it doesn’t fit into a tidy label.”

    The Double Bind of Queer Visibility

    What’s particularly striking about the discourse surrounding “Boy” is how much of it mirrors larger tensions within the LGBTQ+ community — namely, the discomfort with fluidity. Many fans projected their own identities onto Fletcher, and her divergence from those expectations feels, to some, like a rejection.

    The backlash isn’t entirely surprising. As queer representation in pop culture increases, so do the demands we place on public figures to represent our identities perfectly. But Fletcher’s story — and the reaction to it — highlights a recurring issue: biphobia, and the gatekeeping of queer identity.

    For bisexual or sexually fluid people, existing in the in-between can be a lonely and invalidated experience. Fletcher’s critics may not have realized that in demanding consistency, they were reinforcing the very binaries queer people have worked to dismantle.

    “I feel like I’m going through some of the same feelings I had when I came out 10 years ago,” Fletcher admitted. “Shame, guilt, fear, anxiety. And it’s hard when that fear is coming from within a community that’s supposed to be a safe space.”

    Letting Artists Be Human

    The reality is that Fletcher, like any artist, is evolving — and her art reflects that. In songs like “Party” and “The Arsonist,” she wrestles with past personas and complicated identities, not as a betrayal, but as part of a broader search for authenticity. Her new music is less about shock value and more about quiet truth-telling — even if that truth is messy, awkward, or “cringe.”

    And for every critic, there are fans who resonate with her message. Many bisexual and fluid fans have thanked her for saying out loud what they’ve felt for years — that loving someone outside the boundaries of expectation doesn’t erase queerness.

    “There’s no right way to be queer,” Fletcher said. “Even if somebody did identify a specific way for a very long time, you’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to change. I just hope we can make more room for grace in that process.”

    Ultimately, Would You Still Love Me If You Really Knew Me? is not just an album — it’s a question Fletcher is posing to all of us. And whether you’re ready to answer or still figuring it out, she’s inviting you along for the ride.