Grindr turned 7 last week — happy birthday you little toddler of an app, you! Although you’re only a baby, you’ve become somewhat of an out-of-control monster. Most of us have a love/hate relationship with you, but we gotta give credit where it’s due. You’ve taught us a lot of about ourselves. Here are seven things we learned from Grindr:
1. Hot dudes have more confidence on Grindr than in real life.
Really attractive guys are quite shy when approaching people because, news flash, they never have to approach anyone. A hot guy can walk into a room and immediately everyone (including the ladies we brought with us) wants him. But online, their inner beast comes out.
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Hot guys become the life of the party because *buzz buzz buzz* their phones are going a mile a minute. Their profile pics attracted men all the way from Mumbai, and they can pick and choose who to talk to on their own terms with less anxiety than he’d have in a public place. His digital persona ends up being way better than his actual personality, though, you kinda don’t figure it out until later.
2. All gay guys are horny.
99.9 percent of us have at the very least downloaded Grindr, but it’s too weird and awkward to admit. Usually, tucked neatly behind the page of a page on our iPhones, it still brings about shameful feelings. Some guys delete it and then resurrect it every other day.
But we all have to admit it’s reminded us how horny we all are. Grindr is merely a digital reflection on how gay guys think about each other in real life. It’s become a platform to show our true colors; whether that’s a good or bad thing is still up in the air.
3. We’ve brought the “block” button to our actual lives.
Let’s face it, getting blocked bruises your ego like no other. But when it’s us doing the blocking it’s fine. It seems like we’ve brought the “block” option to our daily encounters with guys, which, let’s face it, hurts.
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Not only has Grindr brought out the true nature of a man’s sexual appetite regarding race, weight and age, but it’s made it ok for us to talk about it without compassion for others. When we “block” people in real life, we tend to give the excuse, “Oh, it’s ok. It’s just my preference, nothing personal,” as if the other person should understand.
No, actually, you’re just being an asshole.
4. We want bottoms AND tops to be “masculine.”
I was shocked to discover how many bottoms there actually were in my neighborhood. I’d say with every one top, there are four or five bottoms (but that’s just my experience). Regardless, we always seem to be searching for “masc.”
The term “masc” is different for everyone — some refer to it as an attitude, others refer to it as how sporty you might be, or how you dress, or how you moan (is it high-pitched or low-pitched?). It’s absolutely insane the questions people ask on Grindr, and “masc?” is usually within the first three seconds.
5. We’re terrified of meeting guys in our industry.
When you’re living in a big city but work in a tight-knit industry, there tends to be a little anxiety. First, we delete it and then our own horniness comes into play and we say, “Well… maybe I’ll just never send a face pic.” Three months later we’ve slept with every would-be client in our town.
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The older we get the more concerned we are about this kind of situation. It’s our way of filtering. One of the first questions we ask is: So what do you do? The truth is we actually don’t give a crap. We just want to be sure we’re not ever going to see you across the table at our next conference, audition, workshop or office.
6. It shapes the perception of ourselves.
When guys tell you how hot you are, it’s a major confidence booster; we know it probably doesn’t mean anything, but we still feel better. Alternatively, when a guy says you’re “not his type,” what we think he really means is we’re too ugly to even be talking to him — we take it personal.
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Eventually, the app becomes a way to try and convince ourselves we’re worth any kind of effort. So we don’t stop until we’re somewhat satisfied.
7. Grindr will shame you.
Grindr has created a hookup culture that perhaps may have been better off living in a subliminal world. But regardless of how things panned out, gay guys now have a lot less fear about sex and how to approach it. The downside is that it can desensitize our ability to love.
David Artavia is an actor and writer from New York City. He loves living vicariously through his friends. Follow him on Twitter and Like his Facebook page.
