The world is home to approximately 3,477,829,638 trouser snakes, yet most of us know very little about them. They’re called many things (we used a lot of slang in this article) and come in a variety of shapes, colors and sizes, but they all (well, most of them) get the job done.
While some of you may be expert yogurt slingers, we did some research on winkies and learned a lot. Here are nine things you should know about your main vein:
1. Your thing is dirty.
Skin flutes are home to a thriving and diverse community of bacteria. A research team at the Translational Genomics Research Institute, in Flagstaff, Ariz., found 42 different types of bacteria living on that part of the male body.
2. Uncut tools are dirtier.
The same research team found that men who are cut have fewer types of bacteria living on their skin. Men who are uncut have anaerobic (organisms that don’t require oxygen) bacteria on their man bits, while their cut brothers don’t.
3. Your schlong is twice as long.
Half of your little man is hidden inside your body. So, the next time some asks how big it is, you can double the visible portion. If you can see 5 inches, tell him 10 inches. What? It’s the truth!
4. Shoe size doesn’t matter.
Some people think shoe size correlates to the size of your joystick, but they’re wrong. You can have tiny feet and a giant member. It happens.
5. Some men have two.
You’ve probably heard of the Double Dick Dude, but he’s not alone. It’s estimated about 100 men in the world have two functioning tallywackers. Pretty cool, huh?
6. It stops growing in your early 20s.
So, if you’re over 25, you better be happy with what you got because that’s it. That’s the way the mop flops.
7. Long dongs are an evolutionary advantage.
For many gay men, size matters and they like it big. But, did you know it’s actually an evolutionary advantage? Here’s why: A longer womb broom can flush out another dude’s load, and make room for your own.
8. They can be really small.
The next time you feel down about your junk, remember the smallest human peen ever recorded was only ⅝ of an inch.
9. If you don’t use it, you could lose it.
No, it’s not going to fall off, but if you don’t play with your little man regularly, he could shrink, and we know you don’t want that. So … stop what you’re doing and go rub one out. Seriously. Go now.
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