Growing up gay is hard, but growing up gay with cerebral palsy is a total bitch. In an essay for Broadly., Ryan O’Connell said “Growing up, images of gay men told me I was the worst candidate for homosexuality. I knew no disabled gay men. I never saw physically imperfect gay men on TV… When you don’t see any version of yourself, you’re taught to believe that you don’t matter. You are fundamentally wrong somehow.”
O’Connell’s essay is perfectly titled I Wouldn’t Fuck Me: My Life as a Gay and Disabled Man. Throughout the essay, he talks about his experiences as a gay twenty-something with a disability. O’Connell says “I experienced so many unrequited crushes. So much flat-out rejection. I remember being 19 years old, waiting in line at a gay club with a very attractive friend. A guy walked up to us, looked at my hot friend, and said, “Damn, you’re sexy.” Then he turned to me, scrunched up his nose, and said, “And you look like Harry Potter.”
This essay is definitely worth a read and is incredibly relatable for all gay men. It tackles issues that plague the community like fitness and our obsession with perfection. And, he brings up valid point; the concept of perfection is unachievable and meaningless. “I could get in the best shape of my life and still never measure up. I can get abs by forgoing margaritas, I can get the perfect ass by doing squats, but my limp is here to stay, and my scars aren’t going anywhere.”
