It’s hard out there for nice guys. We’re desperately searching for something we can’t find and are usually left in the dust. But what can we do to fix it?
Personally, I’ve learned the hard way. Love is something that cannot be shared lightly. As nice guys, our hearts are on display 24-hours a day, but the truth of the matter is the more free samples we give, the less we have for ourselves. Here are nine things you should stop doing, before it’s too late:
1. Playing homemaker too soon
When we like a guy, we instantly start daydreaming. It’s fabulous. In our dreams, we’re the husbands with the kids, the house and all that comes with it. Usually, people who think this way end up focusing on creating the “image” rather than building a successful partnership. The last thing you want is to be Mr. Homemaker too soon. Trust me — you gotta batter, cook, then cool it, before you eat the cake.
2. Coming on too strong
Nice guys have a lot of feelings because we wear our hearts on our sleeves. We can’t help ourselves. When we [think we] love someone, we have to let them know. We spurt it out because we’re impulsive creatures. We need to shout from the rooftops. An emotion like love cannot be held in very long.
The trouble with this is that we’re setting the bar too high. If we instantly jump that far, we have nowhere to journey towards. It’s like belting a high money note at the beginning of a song. Why not tease us a little before going full throttle? Let the emotions settle a bit, that way you have room to grow.
3. Being too available
You need to let him work a little bit. Men are hunters. Imagine if our prey came directly to us, laid down and said, “Ok. I’m ready. Eat me.” What’s the fun in that? Allowing a man to hunt you actually increases his loyalty, because it makes him believe that you’re worth the pay off. He earned your love.
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Do not be a “yes” man. It’s important to be there for him emotionally and physically, of course, but you should never let him think you are on call 24/7. Don’t be too easy to snatch. You have to let him chase you a little.
4. Over-complimenting
We want our crush to know what we think of him: “You’re such a nice guy,” “Your hair is so nice,” “You have such a nice smile,” “I can’t stop thinking about your laugh.” Don’t get me wrong, every man loves to be flattered, but over-complimenting is a major sign of insecurity.
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Be proud that you have him now. Complimenting him every five seconds isn’t going to guarantee his loyalty, nor will it increase his love for you. Tell him he’s beautiful, but don’t make him feel like you’re a teenage fan.
5. Becoming a Disney cliché
Like many, Disney played a heavy part in my upbringing. I was totally Prince Eric, by the way. However, let’s leave the Disney clichés to Disney. By that I mean, stop acting like he’s Prince Charming.
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He’s a man, you’re a man, you have something special, that’s awesome. But, life isn’t a movie. That’s always how we get disappointed. Life is random, unexpected and full of ups and downs — embrace it together.
6. Trying desperately to make him happy
You can’t make everyone happy, EVER. You can bring joy to their lives, but at the end of the day we are in charge of our own happiness. By trying desperately to make him happy, what you’re really doing is trying desperately to make him stay with you. Ask yourself why you think he’s going to leave you? Get to the crux of the situation — I guarantee you it has to do with you, not him.
7. Forgiving too easily
Forgiving too easily rewards bad behavior. Over time, you will train him to think he can get away with anything. It lowers your value and a man needs to feel like he’s associated with someone of value and worth. As a result, you will make him feel more valuable. When you diminish your worth, he will lose interest fast.
8. Apologizing for your feelings
Your feelings are just as valid as his (never forget that). Stop saying, “I’m sorry” before everything you say. It makes you seem unconfident and unsure of who you are, which makes the man wonder what you have to offer him.
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Saying no to things and having your own opinion does NOT mean you’re an asshole. It means you have a brain and you’re your own person, which he’ll respect.
9. Caring more about him than yourself
I understand your need to save the world, but the first person you need to worry about saving is yourself. If you aren’t full of being, you will never be able to deliver love and kindness in a genuine way. It will be forced, fake, and little-by-little it will chip away your dignity. If you care about him, you need to care about yourself first. This ups your value, which will bring him to you.
David Artavia is an actor and writer from New York City. He loves living vicariously through his friends. Follow him on Twitter and Like his Facebook page.
