Breakups are never easy to handle. But at the end of the day, if you look at your past relationships in hindsight, there were probably huge red flags you should have noticed.

At the time, however, you were too wrapped up in trying to protect the relationship and ignored the flags. But, losing the spark is something none of us can afford to overlook, and the red flags are the same no matter how long the relationship lasted. Here are nine red flags to look for:

1. When you are having too little or too much sex.

When a relationship is about the people involved, sex is actually of no importance. However, as testosterone-fueled beings, sex is a pretty big deal. We often use it to distract ourselves from real problems — it is a method of procrastination. So having too much sex can be a sign you would rather have sex than talk about whatever is missing from your relationship.

2. He craves attention from other men.

We all have friends who are attention whores, but when you are out with your boyfriend and all he wants is attention from other gay men rather than you, it is time to address the issue. I’ve dated comedians, actors and other creative people who are known for their insatiable appetite for attention, but for the most part, they do not need it to have fun. When a boyfriend needs attention, he is probably trying to be emotionally stimulated — something he no longer feels with you. Take it as a sign and stop wasting your time.

3. When he refuses to talk about what’s bothering him.

You can ask him over and over again, but no matter what you do it seems like whatever is on his mind is of no concern to you. It is too big, too overpowering, to show the slightest hint of vulnerability on his end.

Related: 5 Qualities You Should Look for in a Boyfriend

You used to be able to tell each other everything — no secrets. However, lately it seems like there’s distance, and you know for a fact it is coming from him. Something is definitely on his mind.

4. He avoids long eye contact with you.

You used to be able to stare into each other’s eyes for what seemed like hours. Now, it reveals an uncomfortable truth both of you want to avoid. There’s an absence of compassion and love from a vessel where there was once plenty. You are able to recognize it because you remember what was. Either figure out what’s missing or take it as a hint.

5. He starts listening to his friends more often than you.

We all listen to our best friends, but there comes a time when a person starts “listening” to other people to prove some point. Even if he knows his friends are wrong, listening to them becomes a way to show you how he does not trust you anymore. At first, it seems like he is being mindful, but later you realize it is because he is starting to find your opinion less relevant.