Have you ever noticed your boyfriend’s libido isn’t what is used to be? Yeah, me too. But believe it or not, it’s not the end of the world — sometimes our sexual appetite is absent, and that’s okay.
For many men, sex rules the relationship, so when it stops, we’re shocked! We rationalize and wonder why we’re not getting it on. What went wrong?
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In doing so, it’s important to remember it’s not always about you, so when assessing the situation, avoid saying the following to your fellow:
“Are you cheating on me?”
Your man already feels bad, trust me when I say do not make him feel accused as well. It’s his prerogative not to be in the mood, and it doesn’t mean he’s getting his kicks with someone else. We all have those moments and if infidelity is the first thing you think about, then you ought to check yourself — not him.
“I can just get myself off. It’s fine.”
You don’t need to tell him this. You can do it in silence. When a man hears this from his boyfriend, it’s a dig. I’m a fan of being passive aggressive at times, but not when it comes to matters of the d*ck. Don’t drag it on and on and on; it’s cool, you can get off yourself, and he won’t have to know.
“Am I not doing it for you anymore?”
This is a way to corner him, and no matter what he says it’s going to be something you’re not going to like. Don’t turn an ant hill into an awkward cliff.
“Do you think there’s an issue?”
Sexual dysfunction is a real thing, so be wary if you bring it up. Don’t suggest he has an issue because one night he didn’t feel like having sex. S.D. is something many guys deal with in the world — don’t get him paranoid or make him feel less of a man because you want to have sex.
“Just let me do all the work.”
Your man might really love you and let you have your way with him, despite him not being in the mood, but for some reason or another forcing yourself on him doesn’t seem like the right way to go unless he brings it up.
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I did this once with my boyfriend, and believe me, I was the one who felt foolish. I felt selfish and guilty for making my horniness overrule compassion.
“Let’s just make out.”
I’m all for kissing, don’t get me wrong. But when your man isn’t in the mood, kissing might be a torturous thing. It’s kinda like trying to get him to nibble on food when he’s stuffed to the rim. Kissing ought to be organic and real, but using it because of a lack of better options isn’t going to bring much of a spark.
“Are you mad at me?”
Sometimes there are situations when you should ask this question, but for the most part, it’s riddled with self-pity and a passive need to apologize. In may ways, it’s a cop out to make something all about you when it never really was to begin with.
“Shut up and do it.”
If your man doesn’t want to have sex, do not guilt him into doing it. If you think about it, not only are you semi-raping him, you’re also emotionally raping him.
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If you’re that horny to get off, do it yourself. If you force him to have sex with you, you’re planting a weird seed in his head that will soon turn into resentment. Don’t do it!
“Just let me just suck you off.”
If you think sucking him off will get him in the mood after he’s straight up told you he’s not, you need to check yourself. Don’t be that desperate. It’s all good. The only thing you’re going to get is a crick in your neck.
David Artavia is an actor and writer from New York City. He loves living vicariously through his friends. Follow him on Twitter and Like his Facebook page.
